Last night I went out to Poetry Cafe which is a lovely poetry night in Chletenham organised by the Cheltenham Poetry Festival people - it often features a main poet and a mini show case of new poets (I've done a mini show case before which was fun). Yesterday was no exception with two fantastic headliner poets 🙂
I knew I had to go to this event in order to get back into the swing of things but it was hard - first off there is the anemia making me so tired and stuff still then there is the whole crutches thing and then of course children to be looked after and a time balancing with Mary's feeding as she is still completely breast fed and the event was being held in a pub. Then there was the panic whilst getting ready that cloths were either too big or too small and everything nice just made me look fat.
But I put on the black dress mum got me - it is maternity ware but I don't think you can really tell - it mainly hid the giant bandage/corset thing I have to ware to be able to walk and some black net stockings covered the compression stocking. I felt trussed up and rediculous and knew there was little I could do about it. I also knew I had to read to read at this event or I would loose the ability to get up on stage.
However I need some sort of confidence trick to be able to read especially as it was all going to be a bit awkard due to crutches and the venue room being upstairs etc... So I looked through my accessories and dug out the purple hat Al bought me at Wychwood last year and a purple flower hair band - I decided to go with the purple flower.
I ended up reading twice and I may now be doing two more events at the Poetry Festival - I am already doing the Poetry and Piaf event (reading my Piaf poem unsuprisingly).
The festival is the 31st of March - 3 April.
I am really looking forward to it plus April like it is going to be lots of writing fun for me anyway but more on that later 🙂
This is the other poem - tomorrow I have my pre-opp - Friday I get my baby and then the pain will matter less.
Glass Bones
A glass pelvis
Loose at the seams
My own pain apocolypse
Drenched in crises
Drowning in agonies
Each step a razor blade
Cutting into the fabric of me
Misalined, broken, bent
A pelvic shard
Shatters in muffled screams
Crying in the night
Fragile
Walking burns
Dwindling the memory
Sensation a shade
Of grey nothing
Dampening thought
Punctured, pierced
By electric blue
Fizzing of the tail bone
A primate with glass bones
Can no longer climb trees
Nor hold onto the top branches
To which they once clung
The fruits of life
Are within those branches
Instead
Sitting Pain
Standing PaiN
Sleeping PAiN
Sensation PAIN
Separeted Pelvis
Pubis synthesises
Gurdle stretched and broke
Aches and daggers
Dragging down
ME
Whinning of the glass rim
I do not drink of this misery
Just listen
Pelvis sing
Glass siren lurring
Monsters of the Id
All nasty qualities
Are distorded within
Coming up to this little ones birth my mind has turned itself inside out with the memories of what happened before with Jean - it keep from overly panicking I have written a couple of poems which make me cry but I think are over all helpful at least to me.
The Fear
Before you were born
The Fear began
Blood marked anxiety
Over your future
Later it grabbed me
By the Lungs
As they injected me
To develop your
So if I died
You could be plucked
Not ready but surviable
Death was a shadow over us
Labour dawned
With complications
A room bristled
With activity
I could say nothing
Just scream
Silently - SAVE MY BABY
Intervention, blood, pain
You were there
And I could speak
Whispering softly
Too Daddy
'Go with the Baby'
His worried eyes boring
Into me
The Fear did not go
They placed you on me
And I sang a grace
'Thankyou'
Thankyou for my
Cone headed, alien-primate
My bueatiful monkey
Ancient and New
In the crib with you
The Fear tingled
As it still does
I check you each night
Even now
As often as I could then
Holding my breath
Checking yours
And as you grow
The Fear
Punctuates my thoughts
The less lickely to choke
The more you run off
Into the world
Of dangers
Fear constricts my mind
But I can not restrain you
Killing out of kindness
Out of Fear
Is still killing
Including the mind death
Stiffling the life
I watch you run
Explore
This is what love
Has wrought me?
This Fear
Fear of loosing you
And yet I would not undo
Would not exchange
The Fear
I would suffer more
For you
My little one
You grow
Grow strong and free
Maybe my fear
Is your blanket
Of protection
Innoculation against
The bad places?
I hope so
What else are
Parents for?
Take one apathetic, peaceful, book-loving student body intent on learning
Tenderise with cuts and broken promises
Optionally add agent provocateur/thug type - this speeds the reaction but is not necessary due to using the kettling technique - guaranteed to bring anyone to a slow violent boil
Sprinkle in a portion of police - ill-equipped and vulnerable causing the trigger happy reactions that seem justified - adds flavour
Leave to simmer with the odd bit of bait/sacrificial target to get the crowd proving
Knead in naive youth quick to follow the flow - after it swells to double the size - bash it down
Season with paparazzi to bring out the 'incite to violence for the perfect photo' flavour
Add a match and Voila! The Social Flambe - Riot
Garnish by only reporting the juciest politically-approved bits to the general public
Serve piping hot and full of bias and lies
Tonight I am heading down to Oxford to read one of my poem as part of the Oxford International Womens Festival. I have been short listed 🙂 This makes me very happy - I shall be reading - which makes me nervous!
Event is 7pm-10pm at the East Oxford Community Centre, 17 November Princes St, on the corner of Cowley Road, just city centre side of Cowley Road.
It's like £4 to get in I think - there is music and stuff and hey I'm pregnant and on crutches so it's entertainment just watching me get on stage 😉
Poems, Sarah | sarah | 
Fri 18th Mar 2011 10:27 am | 
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