Procrastination… Good? (by sarah)

Most people think of procrastination as a bad thing. They see it as not bothering to do the work at hand or going of into a day dream etc... however recently I have found that procrastination is a good thing.

I think that some jobs actually require you to procrastinate, forcing yourself to try and think when you have gotten into a rut can be counter productive, like looking for errors in code for hours on end without a brake - you kind of become blind to what you are trying to do. You need a break - you need a mind reboot, you need to do something else.

The same is often true of the beginning of things, sometime the idea, the germ of a project is not yet ready and needs that little longer. Starting prematurely can stunt it's growth - deadlines are a problems and some of them need to be met but most of industry is actually soft deadlines which makes things easier - I myself manage much better with staggered soft deadlines than hard harsh big ones.

I see my performances and workshops and what have you as rolling deadlines - though there is stress there which I will come onto in a bit.

Back to procrastination, sometimes you need to procrastinate to re-fire the brain and sometimes it is your brain remembering something you need for your project but it can't quiet explain it too you.

For example: when I was doing my Science Communication coursework, I was desperate to include a certain concept but couldn't remember what it was called or who the lead educator was that was involved with it. In frustration I kind of gave up and in procrastinating found myself on YouTube watching Jason Silva who I find energising and stimulating (and yes he's my sort of eye candy but not that kind of stimulating honest!).

About two vids in and bam! The name I was looking for, mentioned as a throw away comment, in excitement I stumbled back and finished the work off in one sitting as it jogged my memory and the associated stuff all came flooding back in an accessible format for me - of course I am dyslexic and ADHD so this maybe a me thing but in that case it may well hold true for other like me of which there are many.

I have countless examples of stuff like this - being stuck with poetry and picking up a maths book and the words for the concepts of the numbers tumbled onto the page to make the poem that was stuck - and so on.

Then there is the stress - I am a stress bunny, I always have been and I think always will be, if I get stressed enough then meditation wont work as I'll feel stressed about wasting the time and so on. This is the point at which procrastination is kind of a saving grace. I can pass the work with reading books, watching films, knitting, painting, writing essays, going for a walk to photograph swans, having a bath, writing a song, playing the guitar, hugging the girls, tickling Alaric and so on.

Obviously most of this is only an option as I work from home/at events but it is something that has been working really well for me. It stops the nose bleeds and the burning skin that warns another out break of shingles is in the coming.

I am far more likely to make a deadline - even a hard deadline - if I procrastinate. It also works really well with the non-focus then hyper-focus thing I have and sort of bridges the gap between the two.

Now to my current stress head - I think I am being successful or the beginnings or something but this means people are now expecting stuff from me, a certain standard et... and that makes me stressed - I can't stand letting people down.

And so I was feeling too nervous and stressed to start on stuff I needed to do to sort my little play out, most of the work is done it just some admin pieces but it makes it all seem rather real and what if my stutter comes back or I am having a bad fatigue day or I'm just rubbish and it's naff and I'm being paid.... and I'm not GROWN UP enough for this.

My procrastination led me to pick up the comic book / graphic novel I got out of the library yesterday - another Neil Gaiman Sandman book. This one is called Fables and Reflections.

The first story is called Fear of Falling and as if made for the situation, it is about a play write panicking and trying to pull out of producing his play. Needless to say it was exactly what I needed.

So I am going for procrastination is good.

Finally I Get One of My Dreams (by sarah)

This week has been harsh - I am not going to lie about that - there have been Drs trips for Mary (she's fine and her skin is responding to the cream but really - two skin conditions?!), finding I had missed the deadline for the resubmission of course work that had been done the first time and I accidently submitted the wrong piece due to muppetness etc... BP seeming to be actually quiet high from the monitoring I've been doing and pulse perminately at about 100, someone kicking our door and egging our house and visits from the police and yeah - so rough week.

But I always wanted to be a in a band, I always thought it would be with my Bro and then when I got to uni I discovered that everyone else was an accomplished musician and I could play the first part of a Tori Amos song badly.... and erm... course work and medical stuff and yeah well...

I always dreamed of jamming and making stuff up as we went cos it sounded right.

Today I was downloading and printing forms to apply for various things (mainly art and science stuff today) when Jean appears with her guitar - it is not the pink one she got around when Mary was born as she wasn't really using that as it was PINK and Mary claims it as her's as it's pink but a few weeks back one of the parents in the play ground just asked Al if we had use for a child's guitar and he said yes.

She loves it and has been faffing about with it and Mary is happy as now the pink guitar is officially her's. Anyway she looks at me and says 'can we record a song Mummy?' I almost said no I am too busy as it is I told her I had to finish what I was doing, she sat and she played what she wanted to have as backing. I gave up and set the laptop up to record.

I am so glad I did!

The tuning is her own special tuning where the top E (the thin one at the bottom (yes I know!)) is actually an F and the G is an A but the others are all standard tuning. She then wanted some wind sounds over the top which we recorded in a separate channel, she added filters and that was that!

She is now making plans for an album and musical future for us both - so at 33 I think I may have just started a band with my not quiet 9 yr old daughter! Who musically I think is much better than me 😀

As far as the singings concerned I think I was channeling Jim Morrison or Nick Cave or someone - Jean did point out that I almost started singing another of my songs in it. Jean was desperate to share this piece but worried people wouldn't realise it was her work, she was really pleased to see her name on it.

Comic Books, Cuddly Science and Music and More (by sarah)

So I've been a busy bee but I kind of forget to blog about stuff which is stupid as then people don't know it is happening. Anyway I have just finished writing another 50,000 words in a month as part of the summer CampNanowrimo - a variant on the Novel Writing month challenge. Everything was based in the Punk's Universe which is now epically big and pushing to get out there to the public but apart from a few flash fictions and short stories which you can read here, it simply is not yet ready!

Second there has been great progress with Cuddly Science thanks to help from Mum and there will be an unleashing of more puppets soon plus a website etc... this next month is going to be about really pushing that project forward which is really exciting 🙂 Though I have to confess Ada puppet has managed to scare a few house visitors especially when I forget to move her out of the guest room. To fully realise the vision of Cuddly Science though I now need to be looking for some external funding and also kind of finish the very last piece of my Science Communication course. For those of you who don't know Cuddly Science is a series of scientist, engineers, technologist, medicine and maths peeps in puppet form who can either run shows and/or interact with kids showing and helping them through games, experiments and sci-craft activities. Using their own stories they explain the wonderous discoveries that have been made and show just how much there is still to find out whilst giving the children a gentle taste of some actual science.

And Universe In A Box has arrived to help run Cuddly Science workshops and a few other bits which I am very pleased with 🙂 And also part of the money I spent on this fab kit will help poorer schools and things get hold of the same kit on a global scale which can only sit well with my idea of science for all 😀

I have also been working on music and have produced a song called Somebody Please which came about as I was so distressed to learn of the children from the single mother's homes that were neglected and disrespected even in death. It was a song that had to be - it isn't a happy one and it reminds us that there are still children that can be rescued - it was one of those that had to be written and also has my first ok attempt at guitar.

I think I kind of forgot to blog about the last few songs as well - so here is I'm at the Bottom of the Sea - were I attempt to play the Temple drum out friend Seth gave us.

And Little Ghost of Parade.

Then we get to the comic books, I have discovered that Gloucester Library has lots and lots of comic books and graphic novels which I think I mentioned before. Well I've started taking them out of the library rather than flicking through them whilst in situ as it were. When I was little the library in Hornchurch did not have such things and I couldn't afford them. This week I read Neverwhere which I loved but kept kind of remembering bits of it in a very specific voice. I know it is a novel as well but I think it must also be an audio book or radio show that I've heard before. Anyway I really liked it.

Hmmm amazon has a BBC series so maybe that is what I am remembering!

Anyway I have also been working on my own comic and due to feed back etc... I now have two covers and am toying with the idea of there being a black and white version and a colour version.

I also have the light core of the optronic super computer which is a mix of water colours and computer jiggery pockery which I worked out and did all by myself without asking Alaric how to install stuff etc...

I have also drawn the Punk walking - this picture looked better before I inked it in and rubbed out the pencil as the pen splodges so I need to look at materials again - maybe different pens or paper or both. But it is supposed to be a fusion of the "traditional" DC/Marvel comic book styles and the Japanese Manga and the old old cowboy comics and fantasy art stuff.

I'm still mucking about with how I'm going to colour the pictures but feel I am making great progress!

I also painted a flamingo as a last minute birthday present for Al's aunt. It was one of those wake up at five in the morning ideas - I have really only just started with the water colours but it seemed to work.

So as you can see things are busy busy especially if you add events and life in on top! But I think it's all going well - though sadly at the moment due to health stuff I'm only going to paid gigs which has made me feel like I am slightly letting people down but I can only do so much stuff at the moment 🙁

There is a lot more fun stuff I need to blog about - the girls and the chickens and what not so hopefully I'll get a chance to catch up soon!

A Lovely Forgetting (by sarah)

Last year I went for a walk with Alaric, just the two of us as my parents were around to look after kids, it wasn't anywhere fancy just around Gloucester especial they area around our house. There was a kind of urban fairy tale about it - so I wrote him a song which I then recorded initially with guitar but that bit for some reason came out mangled so I took it out. And I posted it to FaceBook and gotten his feed back on the guitar bit etc and blasted it around the internet in various ways whilst I was working on it and then... I kind of forgot about it.

And it also turns out I forgot to tell Mr Al that it was written for him!

Yesterday morning whilst sitting in a camper van visiting family in Essex I mentioned it too him, realising that I had never actually presented the song to him I played it and explained about the photo and where I'd taken it (down by the rail way with the sun behind the Cathedral - near his work place).

It made him smile - it's cheesy and naff and about us and were we live and so on. Alaric was so happy and the fact I'd told the world but not him and he'd missed it made him laugh as it is typically me.

Last night he said that one of the things that attacks him to me is that I am always creating something - he sees this as amazing. I kind of see it as scatterbrained ooo shiny. From his reaction I'm realy actually glad I forgot to tell him 😀

Comic Book Love (by sarah)

Today I managed to lock me, one child and the house guest out of our house - however a) I was allotmenting it (which involved alot of weeding and the discovery that the red currents are ripe!) and b) an epic lunner (lunch/dinner) so it wasn't too bad 😉 especially as I found Death by Neil Gaiman still in my bag from the weekend when I had attempted to read it. There was also a note pad to help keep almost 9 yr old Jeany occupied.

I've been finding it hard to find leisure time to read so this was a novelty, sitting down and just reading. It is a comic book/graphic novel and I have already cried whilst reading it (yesterday in the car on route to a writing meet with friends in Bristol). It is lovely and very much a me book.

A female death is something I've always loved - I remember being obsessed with the idea as a teen and had a series of stories I'd written about Celestia and her relatives Morpheus and Hades - these were part of the Crystal Singer stories that I have sort of morphed into The Punk stories though may still write one day as they have become very different types of stories.

As I read the comic I recall my own story lines where I mixed up the meso american concepts of Death the mother and an opener or doors. It was a concept that also helped me get through labour with Jean and I have embedded in one of my long poems about glass pelvises. My memories are turning back to the Aztec status of women who died in child birth being honoured as worriers and my love of mythology is being swirled up in the stories. Yesterday I read the first chapter and today I read three more. I'm loving hidden things within, the pictures creating a depth out of just a few words.

Of course my relationship with comics is a bit odd and I get distracted by the images and weave my own tails and sometimes this makes it hard to read the comic. For instance I have had this comic since May? I think - picked it up on Free Comic Book Day - not for free I might add!

But I couldn't read it, I looked at the pictures, the lovely art work in different styles and set outs and let the aesthetics wash over me. My concentration span is useless at the moment unless I can become absorbed into something I now have a word for - Hyperfocus.

For me I love comic books, I see ones like this as kind of a visual poem (also called concrete poems). I look at how bits of the words are bolded to emphasis the speak patterns and the different fonts chosen and where the txt is laid - how it fits with the images so on.

I am infatuated, comics books were not my first reading as such but they were my first story telling and they were instrumental in helping me read. I used to spend Sunday afternoons after Sunday school drawing comics for my family, strip after strip - nearly always on one of two sets of characters though sometime other things would appear - these where a dog family and mermaids. Initially there was little or no writing and everything was told in images.

I am dyslexic - very dyslexic and learnt to read very late, what I would do when I was young and made to sit and read in school was to look at the pictures within books and tell my own story in my head from the pictures (it is incredibly boring to be told you are not allowed playtime or to do anything else until you have finished doing something you can not possibly do - day after day).

When at home I did this voluntarily with my dad's old cowboy, scifi and soldier comics - he noticed this and told someone at work - I think he was working at Tescos shelf stacking at this point and not at the docks but he may still have been a clerk I'm not sure. Anyway the upshot was that it was decided that comic books might get me reading but my aunts attempt to give me Bunty and the schools attempt with My Little Pony completely and utterly failed. I was very grumpy as I loved My Little Pony but I had the toys and other peoples stories about them didn't quiet sit with my vision for them.

I mainly wanted the Super Ted comics or Transformers - you get the picture. What then happened is that Dad was given a bag full of comics! They were perhaps not entirely age appropriate but I loved them. My favourite was Red Sonia. Again I started by making my own stories up and it was years before I actually started reading them. I was a little bit obsessed with X-men but alas money was not the most abundant thing when I was a teen - as in I was on free school meals etc... and comic books are quiet frankly expensive and the library at that time did not stock comic books heaven forbid. But that was ok as at 12 I began to read and made the comics and films in my head - the x-men animation arrived and I was quiet happy.

I kind of forgot how much I love comics as I'm not very good with the type that are just a page of one story and flits to the next and you have to get weekly/monthly -etc... I've never been able to buy them regularly so that has always been kind of frustrating and because it is so hard for me to focus I need something long enough to actually fall into.

At uni I discovered something I call a 'graphic novel' but I don't think most people do - it's basically a picture book for grow ups (and why should we not have picture books? With EPIC fantasy art in?). The Last Hero by Terry Pratchette.

I loved this and the Fantasy and Scifi Art books that the library did stock and of course there was the Scifi Library at Uni (not that you could ever get any where near the comic books there - the place was always full of people reading something called 'Sandman' - I know know this is more of Neil's work but I didn't at the time and spent most of my time reading my way through the Umpteen Red Wall books or space opera or Dark Crystal illustrations and so on).

Because I have decided to produce my own comic/graphic novel (not the Wiggly Pets and Friends but The Punk) I have spent the last 4 months or so going to the library in Gloucester with the girls, Mary sits and looks at picture books and Jean selects huge numbers of books - normally Goose Bumps or Jackaline Wilson (what a mix!) and just reads and reads and is always grumpy to leave but Mary, who is only 3, gets board and tries to escape. Anyway whilst they are occupied I read a graphic novelly type thing of which the libraries now stock a lot of round here.

This has kind of shown me that - most are not really my thing, I kind of try not to roll my eyes but a few are beautiful and wonderful and/or dark and lusterous, pulling me into their worlds. It also showed me that I was panicking about my art work and story line far far too much.

Having put up my first cover attempt for feed back I am mainly getting positive with some 'it's dreadful start again - looks nothing like Marvel/DC'. And talking to my very comicky friends most of whom suggest minor tweaks and even having multiple covers anyway - I have a plan of action.

And I am enjoying myself - it's like I've come full circle and am producing those little doggy comic strips for my family whilst watching re-runs of Time Tunnel, Land of Giants, Lost in Space or that submarine one I can never remember! Whilst my nan cooks a sunday lunch and my parents fix things round the house for her.

I love comics, I think at some point I began to think I was too old for them - with no scifi library round here for me to hang in, I felt I was adrift. Now the most annoying thing is that the independent comic book shop Proud Lion is in Cheltenham and not Gloucester although this is probably a good thing for my purse strings - the Waterstones here has a really good selection too which I always go and naughtily flick through!

I think I am incredibly lucky to have had a childhood of old old comics - my dad was born in 40's - there were not many of them but I kind of made different stories out of them so that was fine. I think this helped kick start the Storyteller within and I have always been a visual person. I know now that I am thinking of my own creation as a piece of visual poetry, with comic elements (as in funny haha!) and I've had several people attempt pre-orders from me.

I have now opened the flood gate though - Neil Giaman's Death encapsulates the mythologies and stuff I like, that feeling of ancient legends and kind of steam punkiness, - a noir grittiness and a mix of ages. The varying art styles within also appeals to me. But now I want more so research into Asian history (more for The Punk) will I feel take a side step for me to finish the damn book and then I might actually have to get the Sandman comics - also I am anal and am the sort of person who puts covers on comic books - the pages are soooo thin!

And I think this means I am probably officially turning into a Gaiman Fan Girl in my 30's :/ Oh well.

Interestingly a friend has pointed out that Jeany (almost 9) is now closer to the ages we were when hanging in the Scifi library which is kind of an insane thought! I loved the cuddly Gothulu and watching back to back scifi and fantasy films and being like the only person into pulp horror in there (it was technically Sci Fi, Fantasy and Horror and was based in the media centre which is how come I then ended up covering radio shows for friends etc... life is funnily twisty sometimes).