Goals and Plans and Contingencies (by sarah)

I've been thinking about where I am going as a person again. The career that I have built for myself is bitty and unreliable but is becominig more structured. I have discovered that trying to do any of it for money soley is a no go. Trying to do stuff for other people doesn't tend to work that well either. What does work is just having skill and abilities that people can call on and a body of pre made work that people can consume or choose from.

Having said that I do want to take more commissions for the science-art side of things.

However that isn't really what I want to write about - what I want to talk about is the physical and mental side of me. I have just finished a shopping trip. The first one without a walking stick or trolly to lean on and yes I was in pain at the end but not much! This is a great goal for me - achieved. But I have others.

I have started belly dancing classes and quiet frankly I suck at it but it has only been two weeks and it is mainly for my mobility and core muscle strength that I am doing it. I am also going for a walk daily with the baby. My aim is to be able to go out cheesy clubbing with my friends just before Christmas.

My second aim is to be able to wear a pair of high heels on Christmas Day even if it is just for half an hour - Jean has been helping me with this one - ie she picks a pair of shoes I put them on and stand up in them - I even managed to take some steps yesterday. However I will not be going clubbing in heels - oh no!

So that is the aim - both physical and mental but there is more to the mental side. I shall be taking part in NaNo again as it gives me goals and a right to set large chunks of time aside to do well me stuff - writing, drawing and drinking coffee.

And then we are back to the issue that is plagueing me at the moment - the thought that I may have to have a hysterectomy. We have decided that we will try and avoid that - the bleeding is not life threatening and if the aneamia is bad again then they can give me stuff to tackle it, also I can still try the minni pill aswell and just hope it doesn't increase the headaches or the temper. One option if the scan is fine is having another baby but there is no way I can do that yet. So if scan is fine I will be aiming to get fit and as strong as I can and then to try for another baby in one or two years and just hope the bleeding remains at a low level.

If the bleeding increases or the scan is bad and I have to have my womb removed I shall continue my excersise stuff - needed even more as there will be core muscle issues and hormone thearapy involved. The hormone thearapy is a bit of an issue due to the breast cancer risks and mum having a) had HRT and b) having had breast cancer twice. But that verses premature old age and osteoperosis which is not pleasent either (watched my nan suffer with that one). Basically if this happens then I will do all the medical stuff that is recommended.

Mentally this would be a huge blow to me but not as huge as it could be - I have my lovely girls and a supportive husband. What I have decided to do is if this happens is as follows - I will hopefully slim down again and with out the issue of more pregnancies I could have my pelvis wired and stop alot of the pain and also if I could reduce the scaring on my belly enough I would get that naval piercing I've always wanted - that will be my treat - my this is me and the shit has hit the fan but I showered it off and am still going dancing.

I may even get a butterfly tattoo if I get brave enough.

I have really appreciated all the help and support I have had from friends and family, you have all been amazing and put up with me too!

A Mostly Bad Day with Wonderful Highlights but still… (by sarah)

Warning contains icky stuff about 'women's problems'

Today I awoke in a foul mood, I mean really bad, I slammed doors! The issue? Mainly that I have menstral cramps and have had for days yet again. I am still spotting most of the time with a few days here and there with nothing and the coil has been in a year - I am having at least two 'periods' or patches of heavier bleeding a month.

The bleeding this morning was heavyish and so once the school rush was over I did some drawing and crying and drinking of hot drinks.

I went back to bed after drawing three lovely cartoons that are the beginning of a series and when I woke up the bleeding was light again and I felt a lot better. So I did house hold type stuff and finished reading Iron Sunrise. Jean came home and loved my pictures and suggested some more ideas and I drew another one and a picture for her to colour once she had finished doing some more maths (she does 'home school' after real school just for fun :/).

I made us a packed dinner and when Al arrived home we went straight to my Drs appointment. I am booked in for a glucose fasting test and some other bloods for the aneamia and things and then she got another Dr to come and talk to me about the bleeding. I was examined which has really acted my pelvis up as it always does and then booked in for a scan to check the uterus and things out but from the outside (which is still inside me!) it looks fine and the coil is in the right place and everyting.

So the scan is probably going to come back fine and it is just the way I am and 12 months into having a coil (put in to stop the bleeding) it is not going to get any better. If the scan comes back fine I will start taking the minni pill as well to try and stop things - I was taking a strong strong dose of this at the beginning and it did not go well with my moods and temper but that isn't such a problem at the lighter doses.

But the main thing the Dr emphasised is that I will probably have to put up with the bleeding if I am considering ever having more kids as they are running out of non invasive options ie zapping the womb linning with lasers (I think thats what she ment anyway) or having my womb cut out/removed (I am not even going to attempt to spell the technical though it does sound far less icky and scary).

This has not made me happy as you can imagine.

Anyway hopefully the minni pill will work.

We went straight from there to the belly dancing group I've joined and though my pelvis was too sore to do some of the things this week (being my second session), I really enjoyed it especially as they were doing veil work.

Then we got home to find a strange phenomenon - there were maggots all over the pavement! EVERYWHERE including outside our house - we assume that a cat kill has ruptured and the wet warm weather has them thinking everything is a corpse shudders. This for me was a nightmare scenario - I really do not like maggots and had a whole truma getting in the house. Poor Alaric has spent like an hour washing them all off the pavement for me so that I can sleep tonight. He washed mine and Jeany's shoes as well which were dumped in a panic on the front door step. Just writting this makes me itch - I hate them and the bleeding thing makes me more paranoid about them gag.

But after my shower I have made tardi (as in lots of tardises as in more than one Tardis) for Jeany and her friends and then got to play on Al's laptop. Today has had some brilliant things in it but mainly it has been awful and I hate intense days like this.

Art Tournament! (by sarah)

Tomorrow sees me running around the City of Gloucester like a blue bottomed one!

First off we are going to St Johns Hall on Northgate street for the prize giving and auction of the pictures on a post card organised by Sabre Arts. Me and the girls popped in for a look yesterday and the entries are FANTASTIC!

That starts at 11 and by hook or by crook there will be cake!

Then I have to be at the Cathedral for 2 pm to take part in the SOLD OUT event of the Poet Laureate finals! I'm not nervous honest (opps there goes another nail!). This is a free event but as numbers were limited there was a ticket allocation and all tickets were gone over a week before the event!

Me and the other finalist will be judged by a panel of poetry experts, the public and the local council. If I was to get it I would write a poem about Gloucestershire everyday for the year. Not all of those would be usable but it would be enough for me to give the community a book at the end of it.

After that I am whizzing off to Greyfryers and Black Fryers - not quiet sure which one I'm doing face painting at and which I'm doing a poetry set at but I'm sure it all work itself out!

There is also a classic car show at the Cathedral which I am really looking forward to - I love my cars I do!

Me Bucky Balls and All (by sarah)

Thursday the 12th of July saw me at the Grain Barge performing geek poetry, throwing knitting and inflicting my sense of humour on people.

We turned up and there was some classical science equipment set up - which is always 'ooooo do you think there will be fire and explosions and glowing stuff?'.

The show got started with the comedic Steve proclaiming he had super powers - he the guy who organises and entertains between the acts.

The first act was Jim Bell with his spiders which the brave Suze who is very scared of them, managed to hold momentarily with lots of squeaking.

Then it was time for the fire and glowing stuff but alas no explosions 🙁

Then it was on to Sophia with her set on why parents are so annoying.

At some point a red nose appeared just to remind me that Clowns exist shudders

Then we had Joe Wright and a very funny sketch and video about Darwin - including all the mistakes in the video 🙂

Then we had Nicole Slavin and opera about STIs.

We then had a break were instead of talking to the people who had come to see me I was hovering waiting for a laptop to work so that my first power point in 6 yrs could be shown and to make it worse it wasn't actually a power point :/

But then we had the Science of Cocktails and me being me I announced to the room that I like the frothy head :/ Which Suze who was doing the talk gracefully sailed over.

Then there was Sam Phippen with his funny stories of Robots that kids build.

Then there was me - I was so nervous

Here is the video

And yes I corpsed and yes I got flustered and yes someone nicked my knitted bucky ball!

Then we had a talk on Viruses!

And then to finish off we had the halarious nerd rock of Mark Lewney.

Postcard Art (by sarah)

As part of the Art Tournament mini festival in August there is a picture on a post card competition organised by Sabre Arts. Here are my two entries:

Jean did her own postcard though she is not old enough to enter, she decided to do a space theme too 🙂

The cards are going to be auctioned for charity after the comp is over :).