The Doom of Decades Turn (by sarah)
It's strange because I can see that professionally and on paper it all looks wow - our decade couldn't help but go from bad to good - we got our house and I had Mary and we found out I couldn't eat gluten not just mono grain wheat and my health improved but then Alaric went through several jobs as companies were bought up by the US and then asset stripped and Brexit vote halted investments so last in first out when money crunching happens and so on.
I hit my head and have has a string of miscarriages one of which almost carried me off with it and this last yr has seen death loom large for us as we've said goodbye to family and friends alike.
I can not help the tears that I cry on a daily basis I sometimes rail against the universe and life and existence that it should all be so damn cruel.
There is more than a whiff of political doom in the air and no matter what I tried I could do nothing to change things and worse between the racism of the loudest Leave voters and the classism of the loudest Remain voters - I feel I don't belong to either side of the rift and am just watching the hate pile on from all sides.
Our fragile Earth system has potentially reached it's tipping point with ice melt and raging fires and storms of gale strength from an ever more energetic and chaotic atmosphere. I have bought my children into this mess of a world and though I tried I don't think I've made much of a difference and have been told that everything I did do re: the upcycling etc just makes things worse.
Dad is gone, I am nearly 40 - Alaric is 40 and we are still looking at this adulting thing and and going - er?
Kind of ironic as we were both youth who were told we were too serious and needed to lighten up and not be so mature.
I want to have optimism but |I feel a snake of fear - a tyrant of pain and loathing is there on the horizon waiting to repeat history and it is vile. I can see people being diploid around me - of groups stopping talking to each other - the US and THEM is here and it is choking the future.
At least I suppose it is highly arguable that this is not the end of the decade - that is technically next year but then it is all rather arbitrary anyway.
Events and Outings, The Family | sarah | 
Tue 31st Dec 2019 10:55 am
Subscribe