The Camping Holiday Of Despair (by alaric)
The next morning we awoke at around 8am, ready to journey on and find a nice breakfast and make our leisurely way to the wedding, which wasn't until 2pm.
Naturally, the campervan would not start. Before long I had the engine flooded and the battery flat, to boot. And there we were without any tools, in the middle of nowhere.
Out came the RAC. A nice man put a battery pack on, and he couldn't start it either, even after clearing the flooding. He took a look, and pointed out that we were missing a bit of hose...
You see, the air filter for the engine took air from a hose. This hose ran back a bit into a valve, which selects between cold air from the outside, and a tap from the exhaust pipe. During starting, the valve lets in exhaust air, which as soon as the engine starts to catch is nice and hot, helping it to start properly and keep running. After the engine is running OK the valve moves over and the engine runs on cold but oxygen-rich fresh air.
What had fallen off was the hose that ran from the valve to the air filter, meaning the filter just drew in fresh air all the time, direct through its inlet, bypassing the whole valve. Which was fine with the engine nice and hot, but when starting from cold, it wouldn't get any pre-heated air.
So we took out the air filter and held his blowtorch there to feed it hot air. After perhaps ten minutes of turning it over and checking other potential problems, with the occasional splutter and the occasional running for a few seconds, he finally got it started.
"Ok," he said. "It probably won't start again without a lot of work, so best drive it home and have it seen to. I'll follow you for a few miles to check you're OK."
But Sarah's father had already offered to come down and tow us, so we decided that we'd drive to the wedding instead (with a little over an hour to go) and then get towed back home from that if we couldn't restart it.
So we were getting strapped in and ready, while the RAC man was getting ready in his van... and the engine just cut out on us again.
Uhoh.
We went and re-summoned him, and he managed to get it going again, but only by adjusting the carburettor a bit. This time it stayed going, so we rushed off to the wedding, arriving seconds behind the bride and rushing into the church while she was getting prepared for her grand entrance...
The wedding ran late, so we decided it'd be unfair on the people whose house we'd parked beside to try starting it again, so we slept there.
Tue 6th May 2008 11:12 am 
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By Mike, Tue 6th May 2008 @ 11:34 am
Get some more keys cut for your van! Ever since I threw away the one key I had for a car accidently, I always have at least two sets of all the keys just in case.
By alaric, Tue 6th May 2008 @ 3:13 pm
Yeah... we looked into that, but since the van has a passive anti-theft system, copying the keys is complex since the keys have to contain an RFID challenge-response device that satisfies the special security computer thingy 🙁
I've considered having just dumb keys cut, though - ones that could then open the doors and turn the ignition key to release the steering lock, if not actually engage the starter motor and fuel pump!
By Mike, Tue 6th May 2008 @ 8:43 pm
Lot's of places can now copy ford keys of about that age, it doesn't need a ford dealer. New time you go into town ask a few of the bigger key cutting places.
By Becca, Tue 6th May 2008 @ 11:15 pm
(Van) need glue.... you know this has become Olly's answer to everything broken now!
By alaric, Tue 6th May 2008 @ 11:41 pm
Background: When Jean and Sarah's father turned up in the van, I told Jean that the campervan was broken, since she knows the concept of 'broken' all too well, to which she replied that it needed glue... as most things she breaks, I repair with glue 😉
Also, she started referring to it as the "smelly van", presumably due to the unburnt fuel vapours that kept coming out of the exhaust pipe when we were trying to start it.
By alaric, Wed 7th May 2008 @ 3:34 pm
Anyway, turns out the van's amazing security computers were TOO GOOD for them to break into, thankfully, so it remains unbroken!
They managed to roll it back a bit and bounce it across and my aunt got out, and I posted the keys which have now arrived.
So all is well.
By Lionel, Thu 15th May 2008 @ 9:23 am
I seem to remember another horror story - several months back – about a painful journey to a far-away wedding!
Tell your as yet unmarried friends to live in sin - it's cheaper all round...
(and I never go anywhere without jump leads)